-Veteran Santaquin City Police Officer Really Looking Forward to His First Arrest
-Local Boy with Hairlip Not Sure if He Just Squirted Milk Out of His Nose
-Eagle Scout Beats Elderly Man to ‘Life’
Article by Katie Healey
SPANISH FORK, UT- It started out as a typical day for Spanish Fork police officer Harold Butterfield. “I went to a few typical calls like a horse trailer starting on fire, some drunks up the canyon, and the one I was at when I left for this call-a homicide in the park. But I knew this call was waaayy more important, so I left,” Butterfield said. The call he went to WAS more important. It happened around 9:15 a.m. on Main Street in Spanish Fork. It is reported that an elderly couple was driving down the street in their Buick LeSabre, when 33 year old Ernest Wilson hit the back of their car in what was labeled as a “fender bender”. Both parties pulled over to the side of the road and the elderly woman (who would not disclose her identity) got out of the car, as did Mr. Wilson. Then, according to a Mr. Morgan who was walking by the scene with his wife, Mr. Wilson proceeded to “fling open the door of the Buick, grab the old man, and beat his chest repeatedly while slobbering all over his face”. Mr. Wilson ignored the passersby that were around him telling him to stop, and proceeded with what he called CPR. Another eye witness said, “I thought he was trying to beat the man to death.” I got an interview with Mr. Wilson, which goes as follows:
NewsMob: “So tell us exactly what went through your head when you bumped into the car.”
Wilson: “Well, I was in Cub Scouts for 2 whole years when I was 8, and the first thing that came into my head was the Scout Motto….”
NewsMob: “Wait is that the one that says all those words like thrifty and tidy…”
Wilson: “No, no, that’s the Scout Law.”
NewsMob: “Oh, sorry. Continue with your reactions.”
Wilson: “As I was saying, the Scout Motto ‘Be Prepared’ went through my head, and well, I was prepared for the crash. I learned CPR when I was in Scouts and my old roommate’s dad was an EMT, so I pretty much know as much as any EMT, or doctor for that matter. I saw that the old dude was out, so I ran over there and started doing CPR on him. It wasn’t until later that I found out he was only taking a nap in the car.”
NewsMob: “How did you know to beat on his chest like that? Is that actually part of CPR?”
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| Wilson was merely applying his medical knowledge. |
I also got a few words from Mr. Butterfield about the incident. “It was a (edited) good thing that Wilson was there, because somebody had to keep their cool about things. He really was the hero of the story. It’s too bad the old lady is pressing charges. People will just sue for no good reason these days, it’s a (edited) shame,” he said.
In unrelated news, a local man was shot in the Spanish Fork City Park. No police officers were present at the scene, nor have they been since they were alerted about the case.
Town Idiot Claims Local Gays are Stealing His Thunder
Arcticle by Spencer Healey
PAYSON, UT- An area man long known to Payson citizens as an idiot is claiming now that local gay men are robbing him of his popularity. "Everywhere I go they always talkin' bout them gays, as if me and my Red Flyer full of newspaper clippings and dog dropping didn't even exist anymore." Town Idiot, Larry, told NewsMob columnists on Saturday. "There's only one thing that's easier to make fun of than a crazy person," explained Larry with wild look in his eye, "and that's a gay." Larry then darted out into traffic with his umbrella and was clipped by a FedEx truck, he sustained minor injuries.
Celebration Happens in 'Santaquin'? Experts Say It's Actually a Place
Rowley Family In Low Spirits With Nobody to Boss Around Until Next Cherry Season
