itunes Confirmation Pop-ups Intended to Question Buyer Judgement

Apple execs want to make sure that you're sure that you want to buy that song


Article by Spencer Healey

Apple cares.  That's the image that the people over at Apple want us to have of them.  "We are worried to death about you as a buyer." Steve Jobs said recently to a group of teenagers ahead of him in line at Burger King, "I'm pretty positive you're gonna make a foolish purchase...now you've asked for the Jr. Whopper, are you sure you want to purchase the Jr. Whopper?  Once you've ordered the Jr. Whopper you're money will be inserted into the cash register there and you'll receive a Jr. Whopper in return."  Jobs poses a very intriguing question:  Do we really wanna buy that thing that we just said we wanted to buy?

The people over at Apple aren't too sure we are.  And that's why they're going one step further in questioning the judgement of buyers of Apple products by adding three new pop-up prompts everytime you make a purchase on itunes, just to make sure you actually are trying to "purchase" that particular song and/or video. 

"'Sure' is a relative term.  Of course you're 'sure'...I'm sure I have to take a dump right now, but I'm also pretty certain I can hold it til this interview is over." - Tim Cook

"Really, people can't be trusted these days to make correct decisions on their first or second tries.  By making prompts appear in their faces that ask them whether or not they as the buyer really wanted to "purchase" the thing they are trying to purchase we may be bringing the buyer to the terrible realization that they may be making a horrible $1.29 mistake."  Jobs' concern for - and low opinion of - buyer judgement has caused Apple to take drastic steps in helping consumers change their minds about spending money on itunes.  "We really don't think consumers should just go runnin' around buyin' songs and vids like crazy people.  No, no, they should seriously reconsider anytime they purchase product from us."  Explained Tim Cook, Cheif Operating Officer of Apple.  "If we could, we would make people people question themselves everytime they made any type of decision or came to any type of conclusion." 

Apple cares.  They want everyone to weigh the pros and cons of everyday decisions.  "I hope people understand the consequences of their purchases.  For example, a major customer of our itunes store - email mileymakesmesmiley@gmail.com - recently purchased the new Miley Cyrus album the day it hit the store."  Jobs' appalled at the notion continued, "I highly doubt she fathomed the gravity that that $8 expenditure means.  Firstly, it took her a whole hour of work to even get that much money.  Secondly, Ms. Cyrus will have made headway on her way to Total American Domination.  And finally, listening to 'Can't Be Tamed' will dull the music senses slowly over time eventually creating a desensitification of her ear-to-brain function which will incidently make Britney, Selena Gomez, and even Bieber sound like music to her.  Did that young woman realize all of this when she first clicked 'Buy' on the itunes Home page? Doubtful.  But hopefully if our new judgement questioning pop-ups work the next unsuspecting buyer will realize all of that."

"Yes," agreed Cook, "We hope to deter people from making the purchase by at least the second pop-up prompt.  Only a fool would still make the purchase after reading a small paragraph about the insecurity of the U.S. economy coupled with a li:ne or two about the annual earnings of college dropouts and single mothers." 

Yes, Apple cares.  Don't be fooled by the little 'Buy' button that is so convieniently placed right below that song you first danced to with your husband.  Is that song really worth it in the end?  Apple doesn't think so.

In unrelated news: Microsoft has unveiled new software that will make online purchases without your consent based on your past purchases.